10 Things You Didn’t Know About the Middle Ages

The Middle Ages? Dark, dreary, and full of knights, right? Wrong. This era was way weirder and wilder than your history teacher let on.

1. Pigs Were Lawyers (Sort Of)

Yeah, you read that right. In medieval times, if you couldn’t afford a lawyer, you could use a pig. Seriously. They’d roll a pig into court, and if it rooted around near the guilty party, that was considered evidence. It was basically a medieval version of a lie detector test, but with a much cuter (and dirtier) witness.

2. Your Bread Could Hallucinate You

Medieval bread was a mind-bending experience. Rye grain was often contaminated with ergot, a fungus that causes hallucinations similar to LSD. So, your ancestors might have been tripping balls while eating their daily loaf.

3. Knights Weren’t Always So Chivalrous

Sure, they looked shiny and heroic, but these guys were often brutal thugs. When they weren’t jousting or rescuing damsels, they were probably sacking villages and pillaging everything in sight. Their code of chivalry was more like a PR stunt than an actual rulebook.

4. People Thought Baths Were Bad For You

Hygiene was not a strong suit in the Middle Ages. Many people believed that bathing opened your pores to disease. So, instead of showering, they would cover themselves in perfume to mask the smell. Talk about a medieval stench!

5. Castles Were Bug-Infested Party Pads

Forget the romantic image of a castle. These places were crawling with bugs, rats, and other creepy crawlies. And don’t get me started on the plumbing (or lack thereof).

6. University Life Was A Wild Ride

Medieval universities were basically frat houses with books. Students were rowdy, got into fights, and sometimes even kidnapped professors. It was a far cry from the quiet study halls of today.

7. The Black Death Wasn’t The Only Killer

While the Black Death is the most famous plague, it wasn’t the only one. There were countless other diseases lurking around, and medical treatments were, let’s say, questionable.

8. Women Had More Power Than You Think

Despite the patriarchal society, some women managed to carve out influential roles. Abbesses ruled over powerful convents, and female healers were respected members of their communities.

9. Food Was A Gamble

Eating in the Middle Ages was a risky business. Food was often contaminated, and there was no refrigeration. So, people added tons of spices to mask the taste of spoiled meat.

10. Torture Was A Fine Art

Torture was a common practice, and people got really creative with their methods. From the rack to waterboarding, medieval torturers were masters of their craft. It’s a dark side of history that’s hard to ignore.